When I was your girl
by DarkPheonix 666
Summary: When Kikyo was alive, she had to repress her desires in order to remain a dutiful priestess. After her death she was able to vent her honesty and feelings that she repressed when she was alive. Showing her love for the half demon she fell for. InuKik, InuYashaxKikyo, Minor InuKag, Minor Kikyo/Kagome, *Oneshot* fluff, feels, time skip


**Kikyo gets a lot of shit for showing up and ruining the InuKag ship.** **People forget that she was killed in a tragic and cruel way, her soul continued to carry that suffering when she died.**

 **People forget she had dreams with InuYasha, that he was her first love. Anyway, lots of angst and feels**

 **Please follow, favourite and review**

Kikyo sat silently in the moonlight, the silver light gleaming off her pale skin and silky black locks. Rested peacefully under the sacred tree as she enjoyed the peace of the night and the gentle rustle of the leaves in a gentle breeze. Her soul collectors hovering above her, keeping her safe and sure she was cared for. Feeding her souls when she needed to recover.

This place was important to her, somewhere familiar, where the last of her memories were made. The place where her time came to a stop, where she died filled with pain and sadness. Any future she may have had, any dreams she wished to come to fruition, her love for InuYasha, all of it came to an end. The place where she had died, alone, confused and filled with anger.

Instead of finding peace like most souls when they passed on, her soul was reborn into a new form, 50 years after her death. That form being Kagome Higurashi, born into the modern Era of Japan. Blessed with everything she had lacked growing up. A loving family, a normal life as a normal teenage girl, a younger brother instead of her sister, friends and freedom.

But this still angered her, feeling bitterness towards the younger female. She had never asked or wanted to be reborn, for her soul to die on that day and pass onto the nirvana. Instead her love for him and her desire for a normal life caused her soul to be reborn into Kagome's world. However, her reincarnation carried no memories of her past life, except her feelings for InuYasha.

Fifty years after her demise and her heart still yearned for him, even while in another form. She smiled sadly as these thoughts ran through her mind "How ironic, even now though I am no longer of this world. My soul is still full of darkness" she muttered bitterly. Her heart still yearned, still full of unfulfilled desires stolen from her. Things that would never come to fruition.

Kikyo slowly leaned against the tree, her eyes bright and glassy, a sad smile on her face. _"InuYasha"_ she thought to herself. She wondered what he was doing right now, with those companions of his. How far away he was from her and how long it would be before their paths crossed again. She could only pray their next meeting was by chance.

* * *

InuYasha sat quietly by the campfire with his companions. His amber eyes scanning the darkness in silence, due to him feeling restless and unable to find comfort in the depths of sleep. But he still kept watch in case any danger approached and attempted to harm his friends. So for now, he was happy enough to play guard dog while they slept.

Shippo was cuddled up in the sleeping bag with Kagome, Sango was sleeping on Kirara with Miroku beside her. Due to being so young and easily scared, Shippo still needed to sleep with someone else to make himself feel comfortable. While InuYasha sat in a tree, so he could keep watch and to keep safe, a habit he developed growing up. He never liked to lower his guard, due to the fact in the past it could have gotten him killed.

He couldn't stop thinking about Kikyo, her being on his mind more than usual lately. Wondering where she was, whether Naraku was after her life again, if she was wounded at all and safe. Her death, her rebirth, her pain, her loneliness; all of the suffering she bore alone. Part of these feelings were because of him. Their relationship being the last thing she experienced before her death. He wanted nothing more than het soul to find peace.

The night breeze blew his silver hair gently like a long silver mane. It was lightly cool, but it did not bother him in the slightest. He had a higher tolerance for most things that would bother humans. Suddenly, his nose twitched as he caught a familiar scent in the air. Kikyo's scent, but how? Why was she here? He then perked up, getting onto his feet on his branch. He then followed the scent eagerly.

He wondered why she was so close to the village. He knew she had visited her sister Kaede before, could it be she was checking up on her sister again? Was she following Kagome? Was she trying to gain more souls to keep herself rejuvenated. I mean she was no longer their enemy, due to revealing her plot against Naraku. But she was still hard to understand.

* * *

The cold wind blew Kikyo's hair like a long black curtain, but due to her death she could no longer feel it. Due to being in a counterfeit body, she had lost all of her senses. Aside from her emotions and soul. She was not of this world. Aside from loneliness, pain, hatred, and her own soul, she could no longer feel anything else. Due them being the strong impact of feeling she felt in her last moments. A lot of things died when her time came to an end.

Suddenly, there was a rustle in the forest coming from in front of her. Causing her to stiffen and tense up, grabbing her bow ready to protect herself. She was prepared to protect herself from whatever danger came her way. She knew better after Naraku had attacked her, knowing she had more enemies now than when she was alive. Lowering her guard was not always an option.

InuYasha then appeared from the bushes, relieved to see Kikyo was unharmed. His mind now at rest knowing she was in no form of danger or had been harmed by anyone in any way. "Kikyo" he replied in relief. He couldn't seem to make his voice work, though he had a million things to ask her and so much to say. His body became tense and his mind a blank slate.

Kikyo softened, loosening the grip on her bow and allowing it to drop to the ground beside her once more. She had no desire to attack him, she was in no danger so she could drop her guard around him. "InuYasha" she replied tenderly. He had just been in her thoughts and now here he was really here, standing before her. It seemed her hearts wishes had come true.

InuYasha hesitated, not knowing what to do. He wondered if she was on another mission of some kind or here by chance. It was hard to understand her these days given her vendetta against Naraku who was responsible for her death. She had developed a strong desire for revenge and making her killer pay for what he had done to her and himself.

Kikyo saw his reaction and sighed heavily, saddened to know he no longer trusted her the way he once had. She had wronged him, but only because her soul had been frozen in a state of hatred. She could not take back what she had done, but she felt great remorse for her actions. "I mean you no harm InuYasha, you may lower your guard" she replied coldly.

InuYasha softened, then approached her quietly. Sniffing the air cautiously making sure they were alone. Ready to attack any demons that may be lurking around them and waiting for a chance to attack. "Are you ok? Did Naraku attack again?" he asked in concern. He knew part of him was still in love with her and that disgusted him. Knowing that someone as sick as Naraku had a romantic interest in Kikyo.

Kikyo shook her head, she had more reasons to visit this village than to escape her enemies. This place had been a large part of her memories and life when she was a priestess. "Am I no allowed to visit what was once my home?" she asked curiously. The thought that she was not wanted here made her sad, given she once protected it with her life.

InuYasha frowned, she was not wrong there. It's just he was not used to seeing her without some kind of danger or trouble involved at all. "Its just not like you" he replied defensively. She usually wondered around the continent, journeying by herself in order to put her soul to rest. Working on her own plans, using her own methods to further her goals.

There was a long silence between the two of them, a strong tension in the air. Aware of their still strong attraction and affections for one another, as well as their past confrontations since her return. It was not often the two of them had a peaceful conversation without some form of tension. Their lives now being so different from what they once were.

"InuYasha, do you recall when I asked you if you hated me?" Kikyo asked abruptly breaking the silence. She remembered those cruel words she said to him, confronting him on his present feelings. Feeling guilty for teasing him and mocking him the way she had. She had used him to prove a point and taunted his feelings for her, which had been wrong and cruel of her.

InuYasha stiffened, the night she had asked him those words she had revealed her plot to kill Naraku using his feelings for her. Of course, that plan had failed, and he had come close to killing her. The feeling of her blade against his neck, the wicked smile on her face and cruelty of her tone. Knowing Kagome had seen the whole thing, it had been a complicated situation.

A sad look came across Kikyo's face, she knew their relationship had changed but their feelings for each other were still as strong as they had been back then. She doubted she would ever get over InuYasha, even in death. "Do you think me wicked?" she asked in a pained tone. Her soul was no longer as gentle and kind as it once was, instead it was bitter and hateful.

InuYasha's expression became one of shock and hurt. Was she still dwelling on that? Why did he wish to be hated by him so much? Why did she blame herself for what happened to her? "How could you think that? You and I have both suffered because of that bastards plans! You were confused and angry, your soul had just been pulled from the nirvana!" he defiantly snapped.

Even after everything they had been through, even when he doubted her, even when she turned against him. She was the first woman he ever loved and knew the true woman she was. The person she had become was because of being reborn and her bitterness of her demise. He could never hate her, he could never bring himself to turn against her.

Kikyo's expression saddened, but a small smile appeared on her face. He still cared so much about her, willing to risk dying himself to keep her safe. It made her heart ache with love, to know she still had a place in his heart after all this time. "I am bitter, I am hateful, and I feel anger towards living beings. But not towards you, but towards Kagome and Naraku. Naraku took my life from me, he took away my happiness and future. He stole my life with you away from me" she replied her voice cracking.

She had never desired to be reincarnated, but her strong feelings for InuYasha and her restless soul had been born into Kagome. Born with a loving family and a peaceful life as she had always longed for. How ironic that her soul had once more become involved with InuYasha, however her reincarnation was experiencing happiness with him instead.

InuYasha's expression became pained, understanding her sadness. She had been under a lot of pressure and strain when she was alive, the way she acted now was an accumulation of feelings she had repressed over the years. By being killed by Naraku, Kikyo had been denied her wish to be an ordinary woman. The chance to give up being a priestess and put her past of fighting behind her.

"When I asked you to become a human, to give up being a half breed. I was not denying your demon side but asking you to accept mortality. To become a mortal, to live with me as your mate, your wife. To be married, to live normally…" she trailed off. She then touched her stomach affectionately with her hand "…For me to bear your child and grow old together. To live out our natural lives in peace, no longer affected by the call of battle or our duties" she replied sadly.

She had been acutely aware even then that due to his demon blood InuYasha would live longer than her. That she would die before he would, thus making their relationship very difficult. But by becoming a human himself, their time together would be even more precious. Knowing that they would have one another until both their times came to an end.

InuYasha approached Kikyo quietly, his amber eyes intense and filled with an unspoken emotion. He then knelt before her quietly, taking her hands in his own. He wanted to hold her, comfort her when she was in pain like this. Her soul forever frozen in time, unable to move on from that moment when she lost her life and believed him to be her killer.

Kikyo bowed her head, her eyes becoming glassy as tears welled up. But she forced herself to keep them back, ashamed to be acting so weak. Every regret she had ever felt or every experience she had been denied filling her all at once. "I never got to watch Kaede grow up, I left her alone in the world so suddenly. I died in battle, I died surrounded by the blood and sadness. My heart cannot move on as long as I have regrets and sadness inside of it" she sobbed.

Being back in the world of the living, she was reminded of all she had left behind. Everything she had been forced to give up and everything she could have had. That only made it worse for her as she clung to the mortal world. Desperate to stay near the people she loved and the things that made her happy, wanting to watch over her baby sister.

InuYasha pulled Kikyo close to him, hugging her tightly as if she may break if he let go. His heart aching with sadness, anger and guilt. He hated that Kikyo suffered so, more so that her soul continued to even after her death. If he could remove the wounds from her heart he would do so, but they were forever ingrained on her soul. Unwavering and forever intertwined with her feelings.

Kikyo looked up at him, her brown eyes filled with sadness and loneliness. For once showing how weak, scared and fragile she was, underneath the mask she had worn all those years. So scared and alone, able to see a glimpse of Kagome in her face. Truly showing they were one in the same.

He then captured her lips in a passionate kiss. Pinning Kikyo against the tree, never wanting to let her go. He wanted to absorb the sadness and pain inside of her, to act as her shield. To protect her soul from any more suffering.

The tears Kikyo had been holding back finally spilled over, running down her pale cheeks like a waterfall. Wrapping her arms around his back slowly, gripping onto him tightly, never wanting to let him go. She didn't want this moment to end, she wished with all her heart she could make time stop. So, she could stay frozen in time, trapped in InuYasha's arms forever. Just like she always wished.

* * *

Kikyo was rested peacefully on InuYasha's chest, able to feel his heart beating within his body. Sitting comfortably in his arms, rested against the sacred tree. It was very late, the night soon to be replaced by dawn. The stars slowly beginning to fade as the sky grew lighter, the deep shades of blue slowly becoming lighter and lighter, as the sun grew closer.

InuYasha would have to return soon, before his companions would start to worry about him. She knew Kagome above all would seek him out, after all they carried the same soul. Her affections for InuYasha were the same as her own. "It's getting light" she replied softly. She wished with all her heart that he didn't have to go, she didn't want him to leave her side. But once more they would be forced to part ways.

InuYasha stroked her hair gently, a peaceful expression on his face. "Yeah" he replied in agreement. But he was in no rush, the sunrise would be beautiful, and he wanted to sit here and watch it with her. He didn't know how long it would be before he saw her again, he wanted to make the most of this moment even if he was harassed by Kagome and the others.

Kikyo gripped him tighter, she didn't want to let him go. Being away from him made her lonelier than she thought she could bear. "Just a little longer, until the sunrise" she begged desperately. She wanted to make this moment last for as long as possible, so she would remember the feeling of his arms around her when they were apart.

InuYasha smiled fondly, that much he could do for her. He could never rewrite the past, but they could make new memories together "Of course" he replied. He too wanted this moment to last, he wanted nothing more than to comfort her soul. She felt so weak, so frail and lonely. Her soul desperate to be loved, which he would happily give to her.


End file.
